Russia Most Corrupt Nation?

   According to an article in the Washington Post,  Transparency International has just rated Russia as the most corrupt major country in the world, and 154th in honesty among all 178 nations.  Well, my Rusky friends, enjoy your number one status while you can—but in the end, Yankee ingenuity will beat you, and you will have to settle for being number two.  It will be just like the space race.  You will assume a commanding early lead which will inspire awe and fear throughout the world.  But the U. S will rise to the challenge. 

            In the space race, it was a visionary president, John F. Kennedy, who challenged the country to put a man on the moon in ten years—and turned the tide in our favor.  But this time, it is not a president but another of our fine American institutions, the Supreme Court (same fine folks who brought you the Dred Scott Decision) which will allow us to become the clear world leader in corruption. The court made the ingenious discovery that corporations, as “corporate persons,” have First Amendment Rights-- and are therefore are allowed to spend unlimited amounts of corporate money to influence the outcome of elections.  And if they do it right, they can do it anonymously. 

            Anyone with an IQ higher than his sock size comprehends that in any country, the cause of all corruption is the mixing of public power and private wealth.  We have always known this and have passed a few feeble laws trying to limit the political effect of corporate wealth.  We have always understood that to make government more transparent and more answerable to the people, our task was to pass stronger and more effective laws in this direction.  Now, in the Citizens United decision, the court not only forbids this but wipes out the few feeble laws we still had.  But all corruption starts at the top.  Who appointed these judges—and what was their agenda?

            Enjoy your number one status while you can, Ruskies!   Once the floodgate of corporate wealth is unleashed against Congress, our economic elites will have enough control over the people from whom they steal as to make the Russian oligarchs look like a convention of Boy Scouts.    And remember that though we are coming from behind in this race, we are not really all that far behind.  The Governor of Illinois tried to openly sell a senate seat to the highest bidder, and a jury failed to convict him of any wrong-doing.  You may protest that in the matter of Governor Blagojevich, we are cheating.  He is not really a Yankee, but a Slav.  We are bringing in a “ringer,” an outside expert.  But remember, if he were really an expert, he would not have been caught.  We have others who do the same sort of thing every day and never come to trial.  And what about financial fraud?  It took 25 years to catch Bernie Madoff, and he stole more money than the GDP of most countries.  Yet the government regulators investigated him every year--and could never seem to find anything wrong.

            We have many natural advantages in this area, and we are not so far behind you as you may think.  But if these advantages should prove insufficient, we have other options.   We could allow a tax deduction for bribes paid to Congressmen.  But wait—I think we already do this.  What, after all, is a “lobbying expense?”  Well, if worse comes to worst, we can bring in foreign experts.  We can hire corporate ethics panels comprised of Italian pickpockets.